Discerning Whether to Stay or Go

This week on my Instagram stories I did a poll to find out some data regarding the question that is often on the expat's mind: Do I stay or do I go?

The responses I received were so insightful and important that I wanted to share them with you, my newsletter subscribers. (This content is now also available in a highlight reel on my Instagram profile.)

After a poll that over 800 people responded to and dozens and dozens of DM's, here's what I want you to know:

54% of those who responded are currently discerning whether to stay or go.

This means that the majority of us living overseas are considering this at any given time.

The top reasons for considering leaving are:

1. Family needs

2. Unhealthy team/leadership

(these two were very close)

3. Lack of support/resources

4. Stress

(These two were also very close)

5. Aging parents

6. Burnout

7. Needing a change

8. Personal health

Other reasons privately messaged to me that were mentioned more than once were:

- Financial issues

-Adult/college-aged children

-Singleness and a desire to marry

-War/danger in country

-Change in views/doctrine

-Feeling they've finished the work they came to do

The overwhelming response when asked how often they considered whether to stay or go was:

Multiple times a year

This is a normal, reoccurring conversation we are having with ourselves and (hopefully) the Lord.

Finally, one recurring theme in the messages I received was

GUILT

MANY of you talked about guilt-- both the guilt of staying and the guilt of leaving. If you are feeling guilty today, whether for staying or going based on real, legitimate reason, I want you to know that your sense of guilt is NOT from the Lord. He does not condemn you. (Romans 8:1) He loves you. Your wrestling and questions and fears and concerns are safe with Him.

Whether you stay or go, don't let guilt be the reason.

Parents are wrestling with how to do what's best for their children.

Children are wrestling with how to do what's right for their parents/families.

Teammates don't want to abandon one another.

In message after message, one thing stood out to me:

This is not an easy decision. It's hard and heavy and nuanced. And when people choose to go, they need us to be gracious toward them and not treat them as quitters or failures or less-than.

Many of you feel so torn, because what you came overseas to do now feels incompatible with the well-being of your family. May I just remind you that while we are called to make sacrifices in obedience to Jesus, we must be wise to know when we are making sacrifices He never asked us to. 

Whatever place you find yourself in, from the influx of messages I received with overlapping themes, I can confidently tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You can read more on my Instagram highlight, along with my most recent liturgy For Discerning Whether to Stay or Go.

Are you in a season of discerning whether to stay or go? I truly believe my book, Crafting Liturgies for Life Abroad can be such a helpful resource and tool as you process and pray through your life abroad. The steps laid out in the book help create such a sweet space to hear from the Lord and bring our cares and concerns to Him. Order your digital or paperback copy on Amazon HERE.

Another very helpful resource is the book, Grit to Stay, Grace to Go. I pray these two books can be helpful companions in your discernment process. 

Maybe you aren't discerning whether to stay or go, but you know someone who is. Would you consider sending them the link to this post? I've had so many messages from people saying how much they appreciated knowing they weren't alone in this process. 

May you sense His overwhelming peace today as you trust Him to lead and guide you, remembering that the only place He truly desires you to be is in His presence, and His presence covers this whole, big, beautiful world.

Sojourning with you,

Heather